Regular Madness
by skyforever
Summary: Pun Intended. An unfortunate - for Tezuka -turn of events finds the regulars camping over at Tezuka's house. What happens when they drink Inui's latest evil concoction?
1. True Trouble

Disclaimer

Me: "I don't own the anime or the characters. Can I have Tezuka though?"

Tezuka : " 20 laps around the ground now!"

Me: "Noooooooooooo..."

Enjoy the story while I finish my laps ~_~

'Are you sure you will be alright by yourself?' asked Ayana Tezuka worriedly for the hundredth time that day.

'Yes mom' Kunimitsu replied preventing himself from rolling his eyes. The Tezuka family was off to the hot springs, excluding Kunimitsu, who had decided to remain behind.

'Relax Ayana! He's a strong boy! He is his father's son after all!' said Kuniharu trying to cheer his wife up. 'That's what I'm worried about' muttered Ayana before turning around to check the suitcases.

'Take care' nodded Grandpa Kunikazu, a man of few words as usual. Kunimitsu shut the door behind them as they all got into the car. 'Are you sure…' Ayana's words were lost as the Kuniharu Tezuka stepped on the gas and the vehicle took off after a screeching jolt. Hopefully, Kuniharu's driving wouldn't get them killed.

Kunimitsu sighed a sigh of relief. His father had been hyper the whole week, after winning the tickets to the hot spring. Now he would finally have some peace.

It was term break and Tezuka was home alone. He headed back inside the house, thinking about the book list he had to start on.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard people arguing loudly in the street.

'I WANT THE RED BEAN MANJU! THERE IS NO WAY IM LETTING YOU…..'

Tezuka shook his head. Some people would never learn basic manners. Although it sounded like something that Momoshiro would say….

'Psssshhh….' came the reply. Ok, now THAT was something that only Kaidoh would say. Tezuka's blood ran cold.

Unwillingly he opened the door. In front of him stood the entire Seigaku tennis team. _Oh no_, thought Tezuka, _they have luggage_. 'What are all of you doing here?' he asked turning to Oishi.

'We're going to stay with Buchou to study his habits and learn from them, in order to become better tennis players' Eiji butted in. 'And what makes you think I will allow such a thing' Tezuka said sternly. 'Aren't you alone at home? We thought it would be the best time to come over, since we didn't want to bother your family' supplied Inui.

Tezuka turned to Fuji hoping that he would get some help, not knowing that his own friend would deliver the final blow. 'All we wanted to do was spend our holiday trying to become better players. Surely our own Captain would not stop us from giving our best efforts?'

Tezuka frowned. Fuji had played the Captain Card and he had played it heavy. He sighed inwardly.

XXX

The Tezuka household burst into noise as several loud teenagers bustled around, settling themselves into their temporary home. Kunimitsu's frown was plastered on his face throughout the day. _What have I done to deserve this?_ he thought, as he showed the Seigaku team members to their respective rooms. "Buchou's house is BIG" Eiji whistled. Inui had whipped out his notebook and Fuji was taking photographs of the antique Samurai armour.

"It too late to practise today" Ryoma pouted, looking outside the windows of the living room. The sun was setting and the sound of birds flying home disturbed the calm silence. "Hold on, dinner's almost ready" Kawamura shouted, as Momo harassed him. Inui glanced at Tezuka to see how he was taking it. _Whoa, he's nearly at breaking point, _he noted, seeing Buchou's face. He wrote it down in his notebook for future reference. Kaidoh's bandana went flying across the room and landed directly on Tezuka's face.

"Everyone, please seat yourself in the living room" Inui said loudly in an attempt to restore order before Tezuka exploded with anger, "My brand new luxury edition vegetable juice to anyone who doesn't" he added. A complete silence filled the air, as if somebody had just died.

"Itadakimsu!" everyone said solemnly, tucking into the food, except for Momo, who seemed intent on inhaling it. "Savour the food Momoshiro, after all Kawamura's put a lot of effort into it" Oishi admonished. "Hai, love you Kawamura!" Momo grinned in reply. After dinner, they all moved to the spacious living area.

"How about a game?" Fuji suggested, "Tezuka, do you mind?" "Ii ye" anything to keep them occupied and out of trouble. "Let's play the King Dare Game!" Eiji said enthusiastically, "Whoever is chosen as the king gets to command all the others to do a task! No backing out, no exceptions."

Horrific images filled Tezuka's mind. God knew what was going to befall his house. But he couldn't do anything as he had already given his consent. Ryoma spun the bottle, looking bored, "Mada mada dane."

The bottle's mouth stopped, pointing in Eiji's direction. "Yosh! I'm going to make everyone drink Inui's juice!" he said. The Seigaku regulars turned to him, flabbergasted. Inui looked like he was going to kiss Eiji. "Excellent" he said in a tone that sent chills up their spines.

"What's wrong with you?" Kaidoh hit his senpai on the head. _Dear Mother and Father, don't be alarmed if you see dead bodies on the floor. We've been killed by vicious juice_ Tezuka made a mental note in his head.


	2. Fire and Tears

Kawamura's hands shook slightly. He looked down at the glass in his hand. The liquid inside was a vivid pink, with flecks of green and gold. Sniffing it, his highly trained chef's instinct told him that the ingredients included tomatoes, soy sauce, tofu, fish and was that...raw frog? Shuddering, he held it away from him, knowing exactly what damage it would unleash on the unfortunate souls who drank it.

" I hope everyone likes it" Inui smiled scarily " the name for this juice is _True_." True torture, Fuji mouthed behind his back. "Ready?" Eiji called out, obviously enjoying their discomfort. "One, two, three!" The regulars chugged the juice down.

The reaction was instantaneous. Fuji doubled over the sofa while Ryoma covered his mouth, eyes going wide. Kaidoh went down on his knees while Oishi ran into the kitchen. Momoshiro banged his head against the wooden paneling of the walls, his nails scratching the polished surface.

"_Uurkk_" Tezuka thought. Straightening up, he was puzzled. The taste was extremely bad but it didn't seem to have any strange effect on him. A spidery hand clutched his shoulder suddenly. Inui looked pale after drinking his own vile concoction. "Captain...the juice..." he rasped. "Aaaaarrgghh!" Eiji's scream distracted him. Fuji's eyes were now open, blazing blue in sadistic pleasure. He had walked over to Eiji and shoved the remainder of the juice down his throat. "That's revenge." he laughed cruelly, before slumping onto the floor, unconscious. Eiji and the others soon followed suit.

"Its...its called True...because it brings out the true nature of the person who drinks it" Inui continued, but his eyes were going out of focus. "Bring them back to normal...or they're stuck like that forever when the sun rises." His hand slid down and he fell to the floor. Tezuka stood stunned. This was supposed to be a scene in a horror movie, not real life! Fortunately, his rational and calm headed instincts immediately took over. Collecting himself, he checked the pulses of his teammates . _Thank god, they're alive at least. _Little did he know that the worst was yet to come.

Kawamura was the first one to stir. "Are you alright?" Tezuka asked in concern. Kawamura pushed himself back up, his eyes glinting with a strange expression. Ignoring Tezuka,he scanned the room. Spotting his bag, he unzipped it, taking out his tennis racquet.

"BURNING!" he yelled, "Anyone who gets in my way will be destroyed! RAAAA!" Tezuka swiftly leant forward, trying to prise the racquet from his hands, but Kawamura was filled with some strong demonic energy. "BURNING!" he shouted again, sprinting around the room and into the adjacent corridor.

Kunimitsu figured that he could do nothing but wait for Kawamura to spend all his excess energy. Glancing up at the clock, he noted the time. It was already nine pm. Just a few hours more to save his team.

XXX

"_Tezuka..._" a soft voice called out to him. It was Fuji. Tears rolled down his cheeks and his blue eyes held an expression of utmost sadness. "Fuji! What's wrong?" Tezuka was taken aback by his best friend's crying face. "I'm...I'm a horrible human being". He led Fuji to the sofa and forced him to sit down. Kunimitsu sensed that he needed to talk about something.

" It's because of me that Yuu-kun changed schools. All those students always comparing him to me. He was never allowed to be himself. Ever. The guilt is killing me, Tezuka-kun. Guilt that I could never be the older brother that he deserved." Kunimitsu smiled a rare smile. It was good to see that Fuji was finally letting his inner feelings show, albeit under the influence of the vegetable juice.

"Yuuta chose his own path. Isn't it the best thing you could do is to let him walk on his own road, letting him face his own challenges and overcoming them with his own strength?" Fuji wiped away is tears, "Are you saying that I did the right thing?" "There is no right or wrong, good or bad. What defines us are our actions and choices. He chose to make a reputation for himself and you chose to let him test his own strength. All I know is this, Yuuta cannot find an older brother more supportive than yourself." Tezuka answered truthfully.

Fuji smiled, taking in Buchou's words. "Thank you, Tezuka." He closed his eyes and leant against the sofa, asleep. So this was Fuji's inner self. Beneath the smiling face was the blue eyed sadist and beneath that was a caring brother. _He'll be alright_, Tezuka's inner voice said with conviction.


	3. Momo and Mama

Oishi twirled a frying pan in his hand. "Tezuka!" he called out from the kitchen. Tezuka made his way to the kitchen, wondering what challenge he would have to face next. "Here you are!" he exclaimed. Guiding Kunimitsu to the table, he motioned him towards the seat. "Do you want orange juice or milk?" he asked, spreading out a napkin on Tezuka's lap. "Er...Why?" "What do you mean why? Tezuka-kun's feeling sleepy maybe? I'll whip up some fried eggs or that strawberry pudding you like so much."

_This is beyond weird_, Tezuka thought. "No thank you, Oishi". "Oishi! Call me mother, Tezuka-kun. Now let mama feed you." Mother! Tezuka groaned and hit his forehead with his palm. He knew that Oishi was the mothering kind but this was extreme!It seemed that Inui's juice not only brought out one's true self but also made people go loopy.

Oishi placed a glass of orange juice on the table. _On second thought, I'll drink it, _Kunimitsu still needed to get the awful aftertaste of Inui's juice out of his mouth. "Good boy, mommy's proud of you" Oishi patted him on the head, nearly making him choke. "Mother, I mean Oishi...you don't need to be this considerate all the time" he said firmly.

Oishi withdrew his hand, shocked" "What? Who will take care you the team if I don't? I'm so worried about them all the time, Tezuka-kun!"

"Maybe you haven't realized it, but they've grown up and can take care of themselves now."

"No! They need me!" Oishi cried loudly. "Just be yourself, Shouchiro" Tezuka used his first name, like he always did when he was serious, "You are an integral part of the Seigaku team. How can you be of use when you're too busy worrying about others?" Shouchiro put down the ladle slowly, his eyes growing wide in realization. He fell forward and Tezuka caught him just in time. "Be myself..." he muttered in his sleep.

XXX

"I've got the power!" Momoshiro bellowed the lyrics of his favorite song. Tezuka glanced up at the staircase, "Momoshiro, get down before you hurt yourself." "Buchou! I wanted to see if my feet were strong enough to absorb the shock when I fell down." he laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "No, you'll lose them" Tezuka said bluntly. He was right, Momo was four landings above the ground.

"I'm a power player, I have to do this" Momo was stubborn. Tezuka resisted the urge to run up the stairs and wrench him away from the banisters, but he knew he would never make it in time. Damn Inui and his juice. Suddenly, an idea struck his mind. Doubling back to the kitchen, he retrieved something from the fridge. Momoshiro dangled his arms over the railings, waiting for Buchou to return as he'd been told.

Kunimitsu held up the item in his hand. "Burger!" Momo's face lit up. "You'll have to come down here by the stairs if you want it." Momo practically charged downstairs. "There are other ways to increase your power" Tezuka reprimanded as Momo munched his way through the burger. "Hai." Takeshi looked a bit ashamed, "I just wanted to be the strongest on the team." "You will be, in time" Tezuka assured him. Momo fell asleep standing, the burger still in his mouth. _That was easy. Momoshiro is really simple minded._ All he needed was an edible bribe.


	4. Cats and Poetry

Tezuka returned to the living room. Echizen, Kaidoh and Eiji seemed to be missing. Inui was still passed out on the floor. "Eiji, Kaidoh!" he called out. He was especially worried about Eiji. What if he decided to climb high tension wires or something? "Meow" the faint sound made Tezuka swivel his head. The sound came from the garden.

Kaidoh ran after a fast moving object, waving a green shoot with flowers at the end. " Here kitty!" he said, his eyes sparkling. _Sparking eyes?_ Tezuka thought. _Oh my god. _Kaidoh looked happier than he had ever seen him. At the other end of the garden, Karupin twitched his tail, eyes fixed on the shoot. _He must have snuck into Echizen's bag again. _Karupin turned to Tezuka, with an expression that clearly meant '_Help me!'_. Tezuka shrugged his shoulders at the cat.

"Kaidoh, just one more hour and then you have to sleep." he knew that persuading Kaoru away from the cat would be impossible. "Just one hour?" Kaidoh turned to him, looking ready to cry. "Yes" Kunimitsu said, reigning in his composure with difficulty, Kaidoh crying was another scene he had never encountered before. But then, his day wasn't exactly going normal. "We don't want Karupin getting tired, do we? Besides, there's always tomorrow to play more. We can go over to Echizen's house and see Karupin again."

"Really? I would love to!" Kaidoh said before he relaxed into a slump on the green lawn. Thankfully, the garden was large and enclosed by high stone walls with ivy growing on them. No neighbors would have seen Kaidoh and thought that the Tezuka household was a temporary mental hospital.

XXX

The night sky was full of twinkling stars. Normally, Kunimitsu would be on the roof, lying on his back and looking at the constellations he knew so well. However, that night, he stood on the red tiled roofs, trying to locate his missing teammate. _Eiji loves heights, he's bound to be around here somewhere, _the captain of the Seigaku tennis team knew his team well. A heavy silence hung in the air, as if even the insects knew that Tezuka needed to find the missing teenagers desperately.

"BURNING!" Kawamura ran past below, disturbing the silence, "VICTORY!" .Tezuka sighed. "Buchou, is that you?" Eiji's voice sounded behind him. The moon shone brightly, illuminating his bright red hair. "Eiji, are you alright?" he asked. "Hai, I'm fine" Tezuka looked at him intently. He seemed to be ok, but his expression was different from usual. He looked _serious_.

Eiji pointed to the telephone wires fastened to a pole. "They were too easy to climb. You should get more challenging telephone wires, Buchou." "What? You climbed those?" "Obviously, an aspiring gymnast must climb all sorts of surfaces, no?" Eiji stuck his hands in his pockets.

"The night sky is beautiful, isn't it?" he asked, turning his face upwards. "Without a doubt" Tezuka replied. He was waiting to see what aspect of Eiji's personality would show itself.

"Our life in this world-

To what shall I compare it?

Its like an echo

resounding through the mountain

and off into an empty sky"

Kikumaru recited, a far away look in his eye. Tezuka recognized the poem at once. "Beautiful and meaningful words by Monk Ryokan." he nodded, trying to hide his surpise

So he was into poetry and philosophy. That was unexpected. All Tezuka had ever seen was Eiji drool over restaurant menus and sports magazines. Eiji jumped onto a sloping roof, settling down on the red tiles that gleamed in the moonlight. "Buchou, do you think I'm strong enough to be on the team? After all, I disappointed everyone by losing that match in the tournament."

Tezuka paused before saying, "You know that Coach Ryuzaki has a good reason for choosing all of us. Believe in her and remember the faith that she's placed in us. You of all people should know that everything..."

"...happens for a reason" Eiji completed the sentence, realization striking him. Kikumaru breathed out, "Poetry is a good way of relieving stress." "I agree, maybe you should come along when Grandfather and I go for Sakurabe's readings at the Tokyo Hall next month." Tezuka offered. "Your consideration is appreciated, Captain." Eiji whispered his thanks, his head drooping until he too was asleep.


	5. Otaku and the real 12 year old

_Two more to go, _Tezuka said aloud. He didn't have much time left before the sun rose. He felt tired. Running around after eight people who's sanity depended on him was not an easy task. Echizen was still no where to be seen. He was worried about his Kouhai . He was the youngest, most vulnerable to the harmful effects of the vegetable juice.

A figure appeared in the doorway. It was Inui. His glasses had cracked, revealing the startling deep green eyes underneath. "Inui, thank god you're awake. Help me find Echizen." Inui stared at Tezuka, fascinated. "Inui?"

"Kunimitsu Tezuka. Fifteen years old, brown-blonde hair, brown eyes..." he rattled. Was the data collection personality showing its dominance? "You'd make an excellent tsundere character" Inui smiled. Tezuka's eyebrows shot up. "...you could make a good Megane chara too, but I think your profile is more suited to a tsundere type."Inui continued. "What on earth are you going on about?" Kunimitsu asked, suddenly nervous. "I'm an Otaku" he confessed in reply. **Otaku?** Tezuka wanted to scream in horror.

"Have you seen the latest episode of Ouran ? Isn't that blonde haired host positively charming?" Inui asked eagerly, "I've got the entire memorabilia collection for the series, along with the DVD'S, Cd's and all the costumes from their cosplay. Not only that. I have an entire range of stuff from other animes. Like Kaichou Wa Maid..." Tezuka backed away slowly. This was an absolute nightmare.

"Tezuka, could you do me a favour ?" Inui asked, giggling. He held up a golden maid outfit, complete with ribbons, frills and intricately threaded flowers stitched on. "Cosplay with me. You can be Tia, the Golden girl and I'll be Ivy, the Green Warrior. Moe moe!"

Tezuka's heart stopped. This was the first time in his life, he'd felt..._fear_. His first instincts told him to run away as fast as possible, but he held his ground. He had to resort to his last option. _I apologize for what I'm about to do, Grandfather, _he said silently. In a swift movement, Kunimitsu drove his fist into Inui's stomach, knocking him out cold. His grandfather Kunikazu was a retired police officer who now taught Judo and other martial arts . Although attacking a defenseless opponent went against the principles of martial arts , _moe moe_ was just too creepy. "Gomennasai, Inui" he bowed to Inui before moving on.

XXX

"Echizen!" he called out. Standing still, he listened out for anything unusual . Tezuka's sharp ears picked up moaning sounds from his own bedroom. Sprinting upstairs, he pulled open his door. Ryoma was crouched in the corner, shaking uncontrollably. "Ryoma!" Tezuka was at his side immediately. Ryoma turned slowly to face his captain. Tears streamed down his face, splashing onto the book in his hand.

_Wait a minute_, Tezuka noticed the cover. _Manga_? The he realized that Ryoma was actually crying tears of laughter. "Bwahahahaha!" Ryoma held up the manga, "This is too funny! Akira gets mistaken for a girl and enters the swimsuit pageant!" Tezuka made a mental note to burn his father's manga collection. "It's time!" Ryoma danced across the room before Tezuka could react further, switching on the TV. "ITS TIME FOR...YONBAKA!" the presenter roared while the audience cheered loudly. Ryoma cheered too. "Y-O-N B-A-K-A!"

Gone was the serious Prince of Tennis. Echizen was actually behaving like the twelve year old that he was. One of the four comedians on TV toppled off the stage, making him laugh harder. A problem presented itself to Kunimitsu. How was he going to bring Ryoma back to normal? Seeing his mobile lying on his desk, he thought of phoning Ryuzaki sensei. Surely she would have some good advice. Maybe he could even get help from Sakuno.

Dialing his coach's number, he moved away from the TV that was on at full volume. "BEEP. You've reached the voice mail of Ryuzaki Sumire. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP" his heart sank. Coach Ryuzaki was probably visiting Sakuno's parents, as she did during weekends.

Half an hour later, the show came to an end. "Now that was good comedy" Ryoma nodded his head, "Do you have anymore funny manga, Buchou?"

"Echizen..." Tezuka trailed off, not knowing what to say. _I'm so_ _close too_, he cursed. Time was running out fast. He needed a solution quickly. Running his fingers through his hair, his sight fell on a photograph on his desk. A young Kunimitsu stood in a creek, laughing as his father dangled fish while his grandfather smiled contently. "You grew up too fast, Mitsu-kun" his father would lament dramatically every time he saw the photo, "Act like the teenager you're supposed to be!"

He realized that Echizen was the same as him. He had turned out to be a serious, focused child, despite having Nanjiroh as his father. "Buchou?" Tezuka snapped out of his thoughts at Ryoma's voice. "That's it, I'm afraid" he replied. "Then show me something funny." "Eh?" Ryoma's wide eyes looked at him pleadingly. As talented as Kunimitsu was, funny was not his forte. There was one thing though, the photo had given him an idea...Desperate times called for desperate measures.

_A five year old Tezuka pranced into the room, wearing a pink ballet dress. Lipstick was smeared all over his face and hair clipped with fairy clips. "Mitsu-kun?" the image feed blurred as his father tried to keep his hand steady. "Daddy!" Kunimitsu extended his arms, trying to copy the form of a ballet dancer. "Does my son want to learn ballet?" Kuniharu asked, pointing the video camera at Ayana. She shrugged and he focused on Tezuka again. "Do you, Mitsu?" "No" Kunimitsu replied, "I want to be Barbie! I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world!" "He's been watching Swan Lake again" Ayana sighed, watching her beloved child's antics with boundless patience. Tezuka switched on the music player, the familiar Swan Lake theme ringing out in clear notes. He climbed on the sofa and slowly rose on his toes, holding his arms out like he'd seen on TV. Suddenly, he lost balance. "Look out!" Kuniharu shouted, but Kunimitsu fell forward, face planting in the floor. "Kunimitsu!" Ayana rushed forward and took him in her arms. "I'm fine" he showed a victory sign to his father, "Ballet dancers don't cry..."_

An hour later, Tezuka was still red faced with shame. Maybe he'd been attracted to the grace of ballet dancers when he was younger, Tezuka thought. He shuddered as he imagined video tape falling into Fuji's or Inui's hands. Ryoma had laughed so hard that he'd collapsed from the lack of breath. Now for his last task...


	6. End for now

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! The regulars groaned as the loud sound disturbed them from their sleep. Fuji was the first one to awake. Propping himself up on his elbows, he squinted at the room. The regulars all lay on the living room floor, wrapped up in their futons. Kawamura jerked awake as well, while Momo muttered something incomprehensible and rolled over. Faint sunshine streamed in through the large glass windows.

"What are we doing here?" Ryoma asked confused. Next to him, Inui rubbed his eyes, his hand already moving towards his notebook. "Gyaah!" Oishi yelled as a sleeping Eiji kicked him in the stomach. It was only when they were all awake that they noticed their Buchou in the room. Tezuka had a pan and a ladle in his hand. "Why don't I remember anything from last night?" Kaidoh frowned. "Hai, me too, the only thing I remember is drinking the horrible juice." Kawamura's eyebrows scrunched together. "According to my data" Inui traced the lines with his finger, "Tezuka should know since he was probably the only one not affected. I think he also carried all of us into the living room and put us to bed." They all looked to Tezuka for an explanation.

"What happened last night is of no consequence. Training starts immediately. Ten laps around the city!" "WHAT?" they shouted in unison. That was then they saw the expression in Tezuka's eyes. In one swift movement, all the regulars were off their feet and running towards the door. . "Out of the way!" Kawamura shouted, Momo and Kaidoh jostling for space behind him."D..De...Devil" Oishi shuddered, rubbing his arms warm while Eiji made a small whimpering sound. Ryoma wrenched the door and they all tumbled over each other in an attempt to get as far away from Tezuka as possible. It was like they'd witnessed the very depths of hell.

Tezuka let the window curtain fall back into place as the regulars disappeared from sight. Normally, he would be running with them too, an obligation that he chose to fulfill as the team captain. But after the trouble they'd caused him, he deserved a break. Noticing the answering machine light flashing, he walked to it and pressed the button. "MITSU KUN!" his father's voice blared out, "Just calling to let you know that we'll be home a day early because of daddy's business trip-" Kuniharu's words got cut off abruptly as Kunimitsu pulled out the phone cord.

Switching on the music system, he sank onto the sofa. The music of _Swan Lake_ floated through the room, Tezuka groaned, but he was too tired to care. Letting his shoulders relax, he closed his eyes, as sleep washed over him, bringing dreams of Kaidoh cats and poetry spouting Eiji.


End file.
